Yellow Pearl's Homophonically Derogatory Cousin

In law, we use all kinds of tests to prove our case: the undue burden test, the substantially related test, and one balancing test or another. There are 2 other informal tests known to all practitioners: the straight face test and the smell test. If your arguments don't pass either, don't bother using them in front of a judge. Oddly enough, these two tests also work very well in helping me decide whether or not to buy a particularly funky piece of clothing.

On my last trip to the thrift store, I was apparently fixated on the color yellow. After I put the yellow clutch (the subject of the last post) into my shopping basket, I rifled through the dress racks. I found a very cute yellow dress. I didn't bring my camera, so I had to draw it from memory (you can start to see where I'm going with this). Sorry for my lousy sketching skills and my subsequent bad coloring in MS Paint--I'm at an age and in a profession where I don't see the need to keep a box of crayons or coloring pencils around.

Even though I dislike almost everything from the 80's, I thought this dress was seriously cute. It was labeled a Large but it fits quite well on me. The black pipings, pockets, and big buttons added a funky edge. Yet something was wrong. First, I realized that as cute as this dress is, I would only get a few wears out of it. I already have a lot of dresses and probably won't get around to wearing this one much. Second, the bright color was of concern. Now, I'm the type of person who ordinarily loves yellow. I own several yellow tops, and that bright yellow clutch I bought adds a nice touch to a work outfit:

(The skirt was also thrifted on the same excursion; it has a beautiful blue-green color, not like this royal blue, which is also pretty in its own right.)

However, if I walk out onto the street in a bright banana yellow dress, people aren't going to be able to keep a straight face. Come to think of it, the black pipings and buttons would also make me look like a bumblebee.

What really convinced me to put it down was the failure to pass the smell test. As I pulled the dress over my head, I detected a faint smell of something. After I took it off, I pulled the fabric closer to my nose and smelled what I thought was rancid perfume. The smell was quite close to barf, though I'm fairly certain that it's not the source. Sure, it might come off in the wash, but like the musty smells on some of my old bags, there's a chance that it won't. To protect those who are forced to stand with me in close quarters in the future, I decided that smell trumped cuteness. I don't regret my decision, even as I think back at how cute the dress looked.